Is self-care selfish?

When I quit my job in 2023, I was met with a mix of responses. Some people congratulated me and celebrated in my new quest to find a better balance in life.

Some people thought I was in the middle of a breakdown and before anything else asked if I was ok. And some just looked at me quizzically and asked why.

I had never previously even entertained the idea that I could quit. I just thought I’d chosen my career in social work and needed to find a way to make it work for me. Despite the long days, sometimes sleepless nights and never ever having enough resource to get the job done, I was resigned to this being it.

And then I started a counselling course. I wanted to feel more equipped to support my staff who were suffering from vicarious trauma, their own trauma and the emotional and physical toil of working through the pandemic. But I also knew that I needed to get out of working in the public sector and find something that gave me more balance. I figured I could balance a full-time job (let’s be honest, social work involves many more hours than ‘full time’), alongside the course and eventually just add on a counselling placement.

But my body had other ideas! My mind and body were saying STOP! I found that I was feeling completely consumed…when I wasn’t at work I was thinking about it or worried the phone would ring. I was giving all of my energy to the job and leaving none for myself and my loved ones. So, I made the decision to quit without a clear plan nailed down, but knowing that it would all work out.

What I’ve learned about myself and will take with me in the future:

My body was telling me to slow down. I just needed to listen! Only 4 weeks after leaving my job, I was sleeping well and my resting heart rate reduced by nearly 15 bpm!

It’s ok to say no and set boundaries so that I get the time I need to replenish myself.

Slowing down or even stepping back doesn’t make me lazy. It means I can be a better version of me both inside and outside of work.

Self-care isn’t selfish, it’s necessary

Read that last one again…. self-care isn’t selfish, it’s necessary!

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